Moving your parents into an assisted living facility can be a difficult and emotional decision. It’s natural to feel hesitant or guilty when discussing their independence or making them feel like they are losing control. However, in some cases, it may be necessary for their safety and well-being.
Perhaps you have noticed a general decline in your parents’ health. Have they had increased trips to the emergency room? Do they seem confused when you ask if they are eating properly or taking their medication on schedule? Are they suddenly reluctant to respond to mail or appear unsure how to pay their bills?
Signs Your Parents Could Benefit From Moving to Assisted Living
- Safety issues (concerns about falls, remembering to take medication, poor hygiene, etc.)
- Inability to care for their home and property
- Poor nutrition
- Lack of socialization
- Recommendation by a physician to move to assisted living
- Increased need for care coordination and skilled nursing care
- Caregiver(s) is stressed and burnt out
If you’ve decided that it’s time to discuss a move for your parents into an assisted living facility, the next step is to have a conversation with them about it. Here are some tips to help you navigate this potentially difficult conversation.
7 Tips for Talking to Your Parents About Moving Into Assisted Living
1. Start the Conversation Early
It’s important to have this conversation early on, before a crisis occurs. Waiting until your parents’ health has deteriorated or they are no longer able to care for themselves can make the transition more difficult. Starting the conversation early can give your parents time to process their feelings and get used to the idea of moving.
For example, my mother was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s Disease in late 2020. We understood that eventually, Mom would need a memory care facility. We toured several facilities and had time to consider which would be the best for her. When the time came to move Mom into memory care, we made an appointment at our target facility and moved Mom into her new community in less than one week.
2. Be Honest
Be honest with your parents about why you think assisted living is the best option for them. Explain that you are concerned about their safety and well-being and that moving into an assisted living facility will provide them with the support they need. It’s important to be clear and concise in your explanation.
Sometimes it’s very clear that a move should be made to assisted living.
Often, though, the need for the move seemingly creeps up on parents and their families. Be alert to caregiver burnout and increased urgent or emergent healthcare visits by parents. Notice the decreased ability of parents to perform everyday tasks such as preparing nutritious meals or maintaining hygiene routines.
Sharing these concerns with your parents in an honest, caring manner will go a long way toward helping them understand that assisted living could be a benefit to them AND you. Knowing help is available 24 hours a day offers a sense of security to both parents and family members.
3. Listen to Their Concerns
Your parents may have concerns or fears about moving into assisted living. They may worry about losing their independence, being separated from their home and belongings, or being isolated from their friends and family. Listen to their concerns and address them as best you can. Be empathetic and understanding, and reassure them that you will do everything you can to make the transition as smooth as possible.
It can be frightening to leave a home where you have lived for decades. Change can be intimidating. Not only will your parents have to adapt to new living quarters, but chances are very good that they will have to make major decisions about possessions, bills, pets, making new friends, and adjusting in general.
Do as much ahead of time as possible to allow your parents time to create solutions to their concerns before the move to assisted living. The more details taken care of ahead of time will make the final transition easier and less hectic.
4. Involve Them in the Decision
It should go without saying that it’s important to involve your parents in the decision-making process. Let them know that you value their input and that their opinions matter. Encourage them to ask questions and share their concerns. It may be helpful to visit different assisted living facilities together, so they can see what their options are and feel more in control of the decision.
Help your parents to think ahead to potential future needs. Do they want to go to a facility where they can seamlessly transition to rehab or skilled nursing care? Are they more interested in social or religious affiliations? Some residents want the opportunity to continue with existing hobbies such as gardening. See what facilities are the best fit and visit them.
A friend of mine was touring assisted living facilities with her mother. They had visited multiple facilities, but the mother was not excited about any of them. On a whim, they tried one last assisted living facility. My friend’s mother loved it. “I can see myself really enjoying living here.” the mother exclaimed. Happily, the facility had the perfect assisted living apartment available and the mother soon moved in. She’s been happily living there ever since.
5. Be Respectful
Moving into assisted living can be a difficult and emotional experience for your parents. Be respectful of their feelings and emotions, and be patient with them as they come to terms with the decision. It’s important to let them know that you are there to support them and that you will help them through the transition.
It’s perfectly normal to have mixed emotions. Give your parents a safe space to express their feelings. Just because they’ve made the decision to move to assisted living doesn’t mean they won’t experience a roller coaster of emotions during the facility selection and moving process.
6. Provide Support
Moving into assisted living can be overwhelming for your parents. They may need help with packing, organizing, and downsizing. Offer to help them with these tasks, and be there for them as they adjust to their new home. Helping with practical matters such as change of address forms and notifying friends, family members, and professional services of the move can ease the burden of the move.
After the move, it may also be helpful to visit them frequently and involve them in family events and activities. Assisted living facilities offer many activities including physical movement, socialization, and educational opportunities. One-on-one visits remind your parents that they haven’t been forgotten by other family members. Entire families joining in assisted living group activities give parents the opportunity to introduce their new friends to family members.
7. Get Professional Help
It may be difficult to start a conversation about assisted living. Some parents are simply not open to hearing about assisted living options. Others are fiercely independent and reject the idea that they or their spouse may need more help than they are able to provide themselves.
If you are finding it difficult to have this conversation with your parents, or if they are resistant to the idea of moving, consider getting professional help. A social worker or a therapist can help you navigate the conversation and provide support for your parents. Trusted physicians may be able to introduce the idea in a positive, appealing light. Enlist the help of a professional your parent’s respect.
Conclusion
Moving your parents into assisted living is a difficult decision, but it’s often necessary for their safety and well-being. It’s important to have an honest conversation with them about why you think assisted living is the best option for them. Listen to their concerns and involve them in the decision-making process. Be respectful of their feelings and emotions, and provide support as they adjust to their new home. If you are finding it difficult to have this conversation, consider getting professional help. Remember that the decision to move into assisted living is ultimately about ensuring your parents’ safety and well-being and that you are doing what is best for them.
Recent Comments